To Know Me Is To Love Me

If it were possible to go back in time and change one event that happened I think I'd do it. Don't get me wrong I LOVE MY SON and having the same end result would be fine with me. But there's just this one thing that i can't seem to let go of. Even though I have no emotions about it i still think about and wonder how it happened. How did i let something like that happen to me? Most girls who have been there have to go through so much to get over it. Therapy and such. Plus the fact most are caught off guard by it. Its not something you sit around waiting to happen to you. I should have known it was gonna happen. But I didn't believe it would. I didn't want to believe. But there i was and then it happened. I can't be mad about it or sad or anything. I made a choice and then had to deal with the consequences. I'm not gonna join a group for women who have been raped. But that's what happened. That's what i spent a year trying to fix. Trying to find some guy who could make it ok. But the truth is, there's no one on this planet that can make it ok. It's not possible. I can't expect the next guy that comes into my life is gonna "correct" the wrong that was done. Why put pressure like that on someone? Why do people think it takes someone else to fix them? One there's nothing wrong with you!! Something bad happened, yes, but its up to you to turn it into something good. Its up you to take it and own and control it. Or trust it WILL control you. We give too much of ourselves over to people who don't deserve or have earned anything we have. It's time to take back what was stolen. I refuse to let him have control over me. He took something away that I can't get back. But if I don't let go then I'm just fighting a losing fight. He's not even thinking twice about me now. I doubt he even remembers. So why even give him just one thought? I would go back and change it but at the same time I love my life now. And everyone that's apart of it. And I'm just scratching the surface of who i am, LOL! Til next time, peace and love!