Sunday, June 24, 2012
whats it gonna take
Most people who know me well know I'm more than in touch with my emotions. I can't help it that's how I was made LOL. But in all seriousness, I've noticed that its been getting worse. And its not a good thing. I've noticed I get into a mind set of sadness and depression. I've noticed that I have the urge to runaway. To just walk out the front door and never look back. It's not that my life is bad, I honestly don't know what it is. At the end of the day I feel horrible for feeling this way. For not caring or caring too much. I'm scared that its gonna effect my relationships with people if I'm honest of how I'm feeling. But I can't hide it, the longer i try to the worse its getting. Not saying that me blogging about it is gonna make it all go away. But its a start I guess. It's frustrating being 23 and still living with your folks. Not feeling independent but restricted. Knowing what I need to do but not having the means to do it. It's like work, if you make me feel as though my efforts aren't worth anything what's the point in trying. But my mind and body can't take it anymore. My relationships are too much at risk of destruction. My own well being is starting to get sick. I'm constantly tired, in pain, and bored out of my mind. Needing to change not just a few things but everything. My life is at a standstill and I can't take it.
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3 comments:
Amy, I love you SO much. I am VERY proud of you for expressing your feelings with the expectation of 'something' happening. I once posted on X-traordinary Life, that faith is taking the first step--even though you can't even see the staircase!! I believe that pretty much sums up where you're at right now, doesn't it, Sweet Pea? When I was 23, I felt pretty much the same way as you do now.. Although you have MIles, and I did not have a precious little guy at that time. I still lived at homw with my parents--and hated it. I think at that age, you are SO ready to begin life on your own, but it's just the 'getting started' that is so unseen. Me? I went away to college! I had no idea what God wanted me to do in my life until the year before I left--and then, all I had to go on, was I needed to 'help' others. I had no idea HOW I was going to do that--then the journey begins. Other choices, for me, at that time, could have been get a wonderful female friend-or two-and rent a nice place, split the bills and life goes on.....etc.,.. But I would love to spend time with you, when you are able, and make a list of things in order to come up with a worthwhile solution. Where is your relationship with the Lord right now? Have you talked with Him about this situation?....moving on to prioritizing your obligations financially and reviewing your current budget. (cont....)
What would it take to improve your situation financially, without it interferring with Miles' relationship with you? Baby steps, Sweet Pea--don't be discouraged that you are not ALREADY where you want to be, be proud of yourself for each move in the right direction! Improving your situation in life sometimes (most always!!) takes time.....and I know how hard being patient is; not that I feel you have not been patient, because that's something only you could know. I just know ME! I am THE worst at patience!!! Your life is just beginning--not passing you by, as your 'feelings' will sometimes lead you to believe!! James Dobson spoke on a few radio programs a long time ago, when I was your age, dealing with the subject of "Feelings. Can You Trust Them?" There ios a great true story that goes along with that title....I have to tell you about it! It just illustrates the fact that we CANNOT always trust our 'feelings'. I have suffered with depression on & off since I was very young. Finding out you were given away as a new baby, does not sit very well with an 8 yr old mindset!!
To suddenly (umm, sort of like hitting a brick wall going 70 mph!) realize the people that you have known as your Dad & Mom for your entire 8 years of life--are trly not the people who brought you into this world--is a life changer to a young girl. Then there were all the other laundry list items that were (I certainly realize now!!) meant to discourage me to the point I would just give up on life altogether--throw in the towel--become exhausted with the 'trying' and forget it all. BUT! That is not the plan God had for my life--those were the plans of a hateful, sinister, dead to the soul satan. The same being who tries the same thing with us all. To discourage, disillusion, depress, and destroy us--beginning with our naturally limited perspective. He presses his nasty thumb on our vision, our dreams, our view from God's word even. ASnything he can use, he will, to distract us from looking to the One Who loves us so. The One Who loves YOU, Amy. You are so precious to me--and to so many others. I pray that tonight, in JEsus' name, that your mind stay strong against those reminders of things past or present--designed to set you completely off track from your plan. Even though you may not have a clue what that is right now, God sure does! :D You, Amy Moore, have so much to offer this world--I pray God wrps you in His joy and excitement for living and for just 'being' His. When you wrote this blog, you let the cat out of the bag for the devil! Now everyone who reads this is on to his trick---and as usual, just like Joseph, everything that the thief intends to rob from you (joy, vision, your freedom in JEsus, peace of heart) God will not only restore, but lift you higher. You are just not able Amy, on your own; but GOD IS ABLE. He has created you for His purpose; His purpose is always for YOUR GOOD!!! I love you Sweetheart :D. Come see me sometime, OK?
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