It's Real!

For the first time I know its love! But it also scares me. I never really thought about losing him until we talked about hypothetical scenarios. And one just messed me up. What if another girl came along and was better for him? Someone who wants what he wants? What if Perfect Patty is real and he's passing her up for messed up me?? Could i really live with that? Knowing there's someone out there better for him. Who's waited and kept herself pure for him. Her first child will be his and not someone Else's. Why do i feel like I'm holding him back? Why can't i get over my own past and see my blessing? Maybe i love him too much. Maybe this all happening too fast. What if I'm not what he thought?

It's always been about sex. Every guy I've been with there's been this sexual attraction. And after we'd do it there would be nothing. I'd watch them get dressed and walk away. And it was always the same thing. They'd leave and never come back or they would come back just to hit it again. I had convinced myself that's what love was though. If they really loved me they'd come back. But for the most part they never did. So I've been trying to find that. I've been trying to find that one guy who will stay. That's stupid. You can base your relationship on the fact that a guy decides to stay for the sex. That's where I'm realizing he's different. Its not because we're christian and its what the Bible says. Its a choice we're making together. He wants to prove himself and earn the right to have sex with me. But even if i decide he has, we won't until we're married. No one has made me feel so loved, beautiful, treasured, adored, etc. He's put me on a pedestal. He looks past everything I've done and everything that i have and loves me for me. Nothing more, nothing less. Its who i am that he loves. I'll admit i am sexually attracted to him but not to the point of basing our relationship on it. I could and would wait for as long as it takes to marry him to do all that. Its about him and how he makes me feel. All that he's willing to sacrifice for me and my son. His intelligence, his passion, his strength, his morals, his patience, and even his glasses :-) I love it all. He's everything i want and more. I love him now and forever!!! For the first time I can honestly say it's real. I'm really in love!! I don't have to look anymore I'm done!! I've found my Prince, my Knight!! And I'm the happiest I've ever been!! I love Darnell Edward Clayton, Jr. now and forever and a day!!!!